Working Title

I haven’t had a straight, single, male friend since elementary school. Yikes.

I’m excited to start school if for no other reason than my anxiety problems kick into high gear when I’m living at home. I’m really tired of not sleeping well because I’m afraid of the twilight time right before I fall asleep. I’m also really tired of taking sleeping pills and passing out on the couch with the TV on.

In other news I’ve made it through two seasons of My Little Pony because it is mindless enough that it puts me to sleep and doesn’t have any anxiety triggers. Woo! …I think my cutie mark would be a pill bottle.

The yellow dust dog lies in wait
for a storm that never rains
down on his haunches
hunched by the side of the two lane
double-wide highway

Thunder rumbles in a moon pie sky
pink with exhaust-
ed tight lipped men driving their truck
monsters back to Baby Doll who’s cups runneth over
with sweet tea and hospitality.

Baby Doll’s tongue seeps cotton mouth venom

Bless her heart.

I’m really excited to be going to grad school, however there have been a few things about this process that I feel could have been handled a bit more…professionally?

1) my acceptance package failed to mention that there was a numerical ID number associated with my name ID. Rather important since that is the only way you can log on to submit your deposit. Luckily they DID included the number for Tech Support.
2) failed to mention the bursar’s office would be closing early three days a week when planning my trip up there. Furthermore, I had to call the office five times before all my paperwork was filed properly and it took all five tries to finally talk to a loan counselor about what the hell I was doing in the first place.
3) it would be nice to have in writing somewhere that I am, in fact, getting $10,000 from them. No confirmation email or anything of that sort has shown up yet. Hopefully I didn’t hallucinate that phone call or this could be quite embarrassing.
4) I’m supposed to turn my medical information in at least 30 days before the start of classes, but it doesn’t say how to turn them in or who I’m sending them to!
5) in that same vein, I have had a heck of a time tracking down a calendar. Surely they know when we’re starting?

Urrrrrgh.

I submitted my application to grad school a couple of weeks ago. On Valentine’s Day to be exact. I’m waiting on my last letter of recommendation to be sent in. I am already anxious about it. I want to go to this program SO badly, and I didn’t even know it existed last month. I don’t know what I’m going to do if I don’t get in…

But I’m really afraid that I won’t. I did well enough on my test scores, and my GPA is (theoretically) high enough. But what if a bunch of people apply with high grades? I mean, I did pretty damn well on the MAT, but that’s only one factor. I know why I picked the people I did to write me letters of recommendation, but to the admissions board, all they’re going to see is two people who are my friends and a boss who has known me for less than four months. Also, my statement of intent was insane. I mean, I don’t know how to express in writing with out sounding like a complete idiot how well I think I would fit in to the program, or how much I really need this.

That being said, I’m afraid if I go, I won’t be good enough. I saw on Facebook about how students from the program are getting ready to go to SXSW. That’s a huge deal. I would be embarrassed to show anything that I’ve ever produced to anyone at SXSW. I mean, I know that’s the point of grad school, to get better. But if you don’t have the ideas to start with, how can you improve them? I’m good at managing people, at coming up with vague ideas. I have no idea how to actually create anything.

Ugh. I just want to know and get it over with.